The thought of Grad School is a constant thought of mine. I keep having the dream that I get accepted into my number one pick. I move all of my belongs to the new city and the first semester I fall all of my classes. I don't what it is.... I would like to pursue an M.P.H. degree and I am soooo very excited about it. I guess that I'm just really intimidated by the whole idea of grad school. I am very excited at the same time, I mean the journey that you go through further understanding who you are and continuously growing into a better person. Understanding that you really only have one life to live so experience as much as you can. I yearn so much to attend school out of my comfort zone so that once again I will be force to "Man-Up" on life. I feel that the more cultured I am the more my children will be and the more their children will be cultured. I want to be able to look back on my life and truly understand struggle, and overcoming that struggle.
My "current job" is one of the main catalyst that is pushing me so hard to go to Grad school quickly.
I have about 7 colleges that I am looking at and have sent my information to. They vary from warm summer breeze of the south to the freezing north. I really want to expand my horizons and experience something new and different.
My...umm "man":
I love him so dearly and though I never wanted to speak about my personal life too much in blogsphere....it makes me a little sad about the fact that we may be separated for the duration of my schooling. He is so supportive and loving and I just hate it, but I have to accomplish this goal and I guess his wonderful spirit gives me a peace of mind about the potential challenge that we may face (Thank GOD for airplanes).
My intermediate Family:
They are the BEST!!! Always so supportive and pushing me to think out side the box and create my own paths in life. They have been the most supportive and inspiring.
My extended family:
How the mirror isn't so clear....I mean I would have never guessed that this would be the case. My own family not willing to share the most joyful times of my life and in our family's life. I was the sadden at the reaction of some when I got accepted to a University hours away from home. Many congratulated, but so many were unsupported. I mean I was blown away...and still is does. I mean how could your own family turn against you especially when it in regards to education....WHAT??!! And to top that, on one of the biggest accomplishments so far in my life I did not receive one call/text/email/message in the sky....nothing. I bothers me so, and I fear that my children will not know many of my extended family for the simple fact that they're so hung up on me and the choices that I've made for my life, i.e. moving away and seeing what the world has to offer, instead of being supportive and happy for me.....and guess what? They had the nerve to imply that I have forgot where I've come from...what the hell??? Okay, so going away to school and getting out of my comfort zone unlike you makes me forget where I come from??? Please.......uhhhhh!!! I don't think that this will ever be solved. Except for maybe one or two or them, no one ever calls or see's if I'm breathing. I guess I'm trippin' because you see it wasn't always like that. This shift started to occur about four years ago, when I went off to college. So, my choose today to accept that this is my reality when it comes to that part of my family.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Gettin' my grown WoMeN on!
As I reflect on my life this past year I feel as if I have grown so much....juggling so much all the while still trying to maintain a positive outlook on life when things were so rough. As this year passes I am amazed at how my personal ambition has went into full gear.
I was reflecting on many things and my TRUE friends popped into my head...((sigh)). Majority of them live miles and hours away from me. I really wish that I could spend more time with my girls experiencing new things in life. I want to become a better friend in 2009. I sometimes get so consumed with life that I neglect them and that irritates me...GOSH! So I will be focusing on accomplishing more of my academic goals like starting grad school next year and becoming a better sister friend to my girls who I love dearly.
Oh and I had a revelation about aahhmmm...those "friends"...the ones who constantly shout to the world how grand, stable and secure they are while in the same sentence bringing you down. The ones who still have no clue who the hell they are and are so damn shallow its pitiful. The ones who say they're true friends and claim they're independent when they rely on others to make them feel secure. The ones who say the quality of friends means more then quantity, but inside its just the opposite.....Those "friends" should no better than anyone that there is always one friend who knows them best and will always know them best and will always be able to call them the hell out! EVERYTIME! (HAHA).
Now I know "they" have a purpose...I believe they're here to allow me to stay grounded and appreciate my true sister friends who are my ride or dies til' the end....(love ya Candace).
I was reflecting on many things and my TRUE friends popped into my head...((sigh)). Majority of them live miles and hours away from me. I really wish that I could spend more time with my girls experiencing new things in life. I want to become a better friend in 2009. I sometimes get so consumed with life that I neglect them and that irritates me...GOSH! So I will be focusing on accomplishing more of my academic goals like starting grad school next year and becoming a better sister friend to my girls who I love dearly.
Oh and I had a revelation about aahhmmm...those "friends"...the ones who constantly shout to the world how grand, stable and secure they are while in the same sentence bringing you down. The ones who still have no clue who the hell they are and are so damn shallow its pitiful. The ones who say they're true friends and claim they're independent when they rely on others to make them feel secure. The ones who say the quality of friends means more then quantity, but inside its just the opposite.....Those "friends" should no better than anyone that there is always one friend who knows them best and will always know them best and will always be able to call them the hell out! EVERYTIME! (HAHA).
Now I know "they" have a purpose...I believe they're here to allow me to stay grounded and appreciate my true sister friends who are my ride or dies til' the end....(love ya Candace).
Here is a snapshot of the things I AM going to accomplish this year (hopefully):
1. Start doing Yoga!: Started
2. Complete my B.S. Degree: Completed
3. Move to Atlanta/D.C: Working on it!
4. Get a new car: Uhhh still working on it!
5. Start my Jewelry line: Started
6. Look for a "Career Related" job!
7. Apply to Grad school: Not yet
8. Take the GRE: In April!
9. Travel on a Mini "BIG" vaca!: Planning!
10. Reconnect with my Girls!: Started!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year, same mess!
Happy New Year!
I always feel like this time of year people tend feel their hearts with a false since of hope....As if this new change in the New Year will erase all of their disparities, worries and shortcomings. Oh, but when those things do not come to pass your year begins to emulate last years troubles (I hate this).
I never really create this loooonnnng list of "I promises" and "I will not's". This year I will change my perception on things. I feel this will be more life altering than setting myself up for potential failure and disappointments.
In an earlier blog I made a list of things that I wanted to do to enrich my life and I actually have done some of those things. I now have my yoga mat and yoga dvd's so I am on it and I plan to travel to the Cayman Islands for my birthday this year (I can't wait)! I will not subject myself to non-positive things, people and situations....if you let, them they will suck the life out of you....(I have experienced this first hand). I mean really we all have choices and those same choices can and will change the way or how much you enjoy and live your life. As I have said many times, I tend to try to control all aspects of my life and I made a decision to not take part in that any longer.
For the last 6 months I can admit, I lost site of my core value. My mother raised me to be a very self aware, humble spirited women, but when you find yourself overwhelmed with situations you tend to loose site of you. The things that make you happy the most, what you dislike the most.....
FRIENDS (or not):
They have taught me that I don't have to figure out who is a true friend or not, because through their actions their true hearts will be revealed (which is the most rewarding).
RELATIONSHIPS (or not):
They will never be easy,but to love someone should never be hard.....and if to love someone leaves you needing a resuscitation you might need to reevaluate somethings even if it hurts.
LIFE:
Fulfill your life with such greatness that it becomes the norm for you so that where ever you are you will never accept anything less than such!
PAINTING:
Painting makes my inner soul so at peace and it makes my inside smile! Find that something that feeds those parts of you that no man (flesh) can ever bring light to.
I send love to all and Happy New Year's again....I hope that you live a better life in 2009 and treat others better as well because at the end the day you could be selfish, but what lonely life you will have............
Peace and love,
Seeking of Essence
I always feel like this time of year people tend feel their hearts with a false since of hope....As if this new change in the New Year will erase all of their disparities, worries and shortcomings. Oh, but when those things do not come to pass your year begins to emulate last years troubles (I hate this).
I never really create this loooonnnng list of "I promises" and "I will not's". This year I will change my perception on things. I feel this will be more life altering than setting myself up for potential failure and disappointments.
In an earlier blog I made a list of things that I wanted to do to enrich my life and I actually have done some of those things. I now have my yoga mat and yoga dvd's so I am on it and I plan to travel to the Cayman Islands for my birthday this year (I can't wait)! I will not subject myself to non-positive things, people and situations....if you let, them they will suck the life out of you....(I have experienced this first hand). I mean really we all have choices and those same choices can and will change the way or how much you enjoy and live your life. As I have said many times, I tend to try to control all aspects of my life and I made a decision to not take part in that any longer.
For the last 6 months I can admit, I lost site of my core value. My mother raised me to be a very self aware, humble spirited women, but when you find yourself overwhelmed with situations you tend to loose site of you. The things that make you happy the most, what you dislike the most.....
FRIENDS (or not):
They have taught me that I don't have to figure out who is a true friend or not, because through their actions their true hearts will be revealed (which is the most rewarding).
RELATIONSHIPS (or not):
They will never be easy,but to love someone should never be hard.....and if to love someone leaves you needing a resuscitation you might need to reevaluate somethings even if it hurts.
LIFE:
Fulfill your life with such greatness that it becomes the norm for you so that where ever you are you will never accept anything less than such!
PAINTING:
Painting makes my inner soul so at peace and it makes my inside smile! Find that something that feeds those parts of you that no man (flesh) can ever bring light to.
I send love to all and Happy New Year's again....I hope that you live a better life in 2009 and treat others better as well because at the end the day you could be selfish, but what lonely life you will have............
Peace and love,
Seeking of Essence
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