LUV or LOVE?

Ummm...its late and though I would like to sleep, I have this issue right now that I have to express.........

I have come to a somewhat depressing conclusion....My kind of love just doesn't exist. This truly feels like a punch in the stomach....I am without a doubt not perfect, but the love that exist in my heart doesn't exist, I think, any where else....it just can't because I have not encountered a single soul that understands my heart..( not to be confused with maybe understanding my flesh). My heart is dehydrated from the lack of nutrition it needs to survive. Could there be a substitute or a rare antidote?

Okay....let me pull back. I don't want anyone to think that a sista' is depressed about life and that fact that I haven't been in a successful relationship yet ( though I've had about two serious relationships). I understand that there is a season for everything and that I (YOU) have/need to embrace this time....so that "The Evolution of Growth" will be able to take place.


Shoot if I/you keep this up...when this chapter of growth is over and done with we will be a something to reckon with....

Stay positive and uplifted (try to find it in something if not yourself), and be self centered....not the dictionary version,but my version....

Self centered: the act of seeking the essence of one's self spiritually,mentally, artistically and physically....know thy self which will have a consequence of knowing one self.


Note: Men I have a piece of advice for ya!!! Ummmmm.... a women ,well most,would like it if you could give them something that is intangible in a relationship over roses or a box of chocolate (now those things are important, but this is SOOOO much more important than those)....they want you to enrich their lives with things that they can't give themselves. I mean if you think about it a woman can buy herself roses, shoes clothes, dinner and the list could go on and on...so what can you give her that she honestly could never give herself???....(Just think about it)...I digress....


Nothing but love and prosperity,
Seeking of Essence

My petition (invisible ceiling)

Have you ever felt like you're not living to the capacity of your being? I mean it's like when you wake up each day you're not challenging yourself fully, not allowing yourself to have a full smile or yawn with your mouth wide open or scream to the top of your lungs....???

So, I guess this kind of explains what stage I'm in right now....I don't know it feels weird...almost like I have no sense of direction, but I know exactly where I'm going...(I know).

I think subconsciously, I haven't been living for me or maybe living without limitations...I know I've been hindering myself in many aspects by putting these invisible ceilings in my life.

From this day on I will:

1. Continue to seek God in order to become closer with him and his word.

2. Live life without limitations (within reason of course)

3. Travel more....I mean really travel!!!

4. Try new things (food, activities, YOGA!!!!)

5. Stay focused on my happiness and what really makes me happy.....

6. Continue to be free spirited !!!



This is my petition to myself...maybe this is why God hasn't blessed me yet with that special kind of love that we're all searching for....Maybe right now I'm too blind by my own fears and self growth that I can't be what he needs me to be for me to receive that blessing yet. It's surely a hard thing to swallow, but progress is inevitable as it goes down.......Be at peace my peeps!!

New beginnings......

I'm so ready for new beginnings....stay tuned for updates!!!!

Tragic inevitability...

Okay, before I began I want everyone to know that things are better and definitely looking up for me. The summer is almost over and I have one class that is finally over...((YAAYYY)). This class stressed me so because it was so pivotal to pass it for me to continue on to graduate in the fall....I am enrolled in one other class (that is still challenging) that will be over in just a few weeks and once I have the green light from that one I will begin the party.....


I said that all that to say this.....I am a lot less stressed and oh and I finally have a job...(God is good)....so like I said things are looking up for me....finally....in many ways than just one......

Today I would like to talk about how a decision that I was so on the fence about has been finally made...but the decision was not made by me....but by them....and yes they know who they are.... I do feel that God has answered my prays, because I asked for guidance and yep he came right on time.

Honestly, it was like a freakin' slap right on my left cheek! Man, this really wasn't what I wanted,but the disparity that I feel day in and day out is something that I don't enjoy so why do I continue to subject myself to such mediocrity on a daily basis. Sometimes, you have to except what is and not allow it to take away from what was and where you have come thus far. I personally have a tendency to do that...I focus on the negative aspect and completely forget how it truly was something great and still is a blessing in its on way....but thats because finally the decision was made not by me,but by your hurtful words, behavior,disrespect,inconsistent love,emotionless smile,here today gone tomorrow friendship,negativity,selfishness, and lastly our non equally yoked lives....I have to say that because I care too much, life forced you to make the decision for me...that is, what we have become and now what will be.

Throwing in the towel...a third time around

So, as I try and keep my composure about many things that lord knows I do not control, I find myself still worrying about them.....I AM SOOOO TIRED OF BEING TIRED OF BEING TIRED...(sigh).

I am finding that the up keep of relationships (friends,family etc) is something that I am at this point in time exhausted of doing especially when you're reaping little to nothing positive from it. I am almost tired of writing this blog for the simple fact that it is what I am constantly going over and over in my head. Now because of school I can't move so there goes a fresh start anytime soon and though to some moving away may seem like an easy way out, but to me it might be the only path to solace.

And today is one of those days where I feel crazy and distraught...(uhhhhhhhhhh)....

My prayer for today:

Lord take those who are not contributing positivity to my well being out completely.
Allow me to distance myself from those who want not of me. Allow my heart to be at ease about the things I can not control and allow your love and prosperity to flood my heart with joy. Take me Jesus to your destinations only not the ones that I seek. Lastly, allow this time in my life to be a very positive one and where self growth will be all that I need outside of your love...AMEN...


Have a good day people!