Post-Grad-evolutionary uproar!

WELL HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLOOOOO People!!!!

It has truly been too long since I have written on here......or course a lot has transpired since the last time that I was on here and so I have a few things (a lot) to say:

I know you're looking at the title of my blog like,"What the hell is she talking about?". My title is very appropriate for what this blog is about:

First topic:

So...........I GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, so yes after all of my complaining, tears and prays I graduated on December 13. What a great way to end the year. What is so funny is that I got more "girl life after graduation is horrible", "You will be so depressed", " You will be so bored" than I got "Congratulations".....I know they all meant well, but a women like me who worries about everything (especailly the things I can't control) did not need to hear that.....

So far life after college has been very subdue......I am in the stage where I can't imagine picking up a book of any sort,but at the same time I want to conquer the world. I reeeeaaaaallllyyyy need a "Career related" job! I am so over this stage in my life and I "NEED" to move on to the next one.

Transition>>>>> This really irritates me!!!!

I am all for the uplifting of women (people in general), but I am so tired these "young women" who constantly fake the funk.....It amazes me how easily they put themselves on a high horse as if they S*%& don't stank. I am such a girlie girl and I have so many close gal friends, but I always come across this prototype female. She acts as if her insecurities are desolate compared to others and she so yearns to be this socially appealing "undercover" of course, when all of her flaws are written all over her forehead. It just irritates me when women have to constantly put other women down for how they dress, think or what they do or how they talk or *Fill in the blank* I refuse to surround myself with these type of females because they will eventually allow all of that fake funk to destroy you and your friendship....


Let's embrace the differences in our fellow sista's and realize that God could have placed you in their lives to help them overcome a disparity in their lives....Don't let your own insecurities isolate yourself from yourself to the point that you think that you got it all together and everyone around you does not.....Do a reality check on "YOURSELF"!


Insert: Now I know you all may be thinking,"Who pissed her off?" and honestly, no one really has. It's been an accumulation of different situations, comments and certain people that I have come across.....that tis' all...lol


I digress..........

My Olympic RACE>>>>>>

Ooookaaayy, it's been a minute since I've written a blog and I so need to do some much needed venting.......

So, CONGRATS to me!!!!! I passed my last class this summer, Whoa hooo!!!! I am so proud of myself for passing all of my classes this summer. This summer was a tough one,but I prayed every step of the way and GOD made a way.....((sigh)).

Sooooo, this fall will be my laaaaaaassst semester!!!!!!!! But, why does school start in like two days??? I mean really...I am so tired of school and trying to juggle school and work and paying my bills while trying to soak up a little college fun. Okay, so enough with the complaining....I know what I have to do!!

On a lighter note,my best friend and I will be headed to ATL this weekend and I am SOOOOO excited for a couple of reasons, but the main reason is because I would like to potentially move there (maybe,I don't know)but anyway,it will be labor day weekend so you know it should be a FUN filled weekend (keep ya fingers crossed fo' ya girl)...while I'm there we will be checking out some apartments and schools.....and of course hittin' up a club here or there (which is crazy because I never go to the club where I live,but whatever). Well, ahhh, yeah, soooo all in all, we should have lots of memories and pictures and smiles to prove it...YAY!!!

My Olympic race has been such a battle:car breaking down, job schedule not working my school schedule, but I need them both, breaking up with one of my best friends, being without a job for like 4 months while I had to eat and pay rent, all the while trying to pass my classes and staying sane....my Olympic race has included 4 years of stress ,worrying, friends coming and going, defeat,accomplishments,opportunities,heartache,happiness and lastly,but most importantly self growth.....I'm almost at the finish line, but that bear has jumped on my back....I'm out of breath,but I see the finish line and dammit I'M GOING FOR THE GOLD!!!


Remember to keep your eye on the prize..........

LUV or LOVE?

Ummm...its late and though I would like to sleep, I have this issue right now that I have to express.........

I have come to a somewhat depressing conclusion....My kind of love just doesn't exist. This truly feels like a punch in the stomach....I am without a doubt not perfect, but the love that exist in my heart doesn't exist, I think, any where else....it just can't because I have not encountered a single soul that understands my heart..( not to be confused with maybe understanding my flesh). My heart is dehydrated from the lack of nutrition it needs to survive. Could there be a substitute or a rare antidote?

Okay....let me pull back. I don't want anyone to think that a sista' is depressed about life and that fact that I haven't been in a successful relationship yet ( though I've had about two serious relationships). I understand that there is a season for everything and that I (YOU) have/need to embrace this time....so that "The Evolution of Growth" will be able to take place.


Shoot if I/you keep this up...when this chapter of growth is over and done with we will be a something to reckon with....

Stay positive and uplifted (try to find it in something if not yourself), and be self centered....not the dictionary version,but my version....

Self centered: the act of seeking the essence of one's self spiritually,mentally, artistically and physically....know thy self which will have a consequence of knowing one self.


Note: Men I have a piece of advice for ya!!! Ummmmm.... a women ,well most,would like it if you could give them something that is intangible in a relationship over roses or a box of chocolate (now those things are important, but this is SOOOO much more important than those)....they want you to enrich their lives with things that they can't give themselves. I mean if you think about it a woman can buy herself roses, shoes clothes, dinner and the list could go on and on...so what can you give her that she honestly could never give herself???....(Just think about it)...I digress....


Nothing but love and prosperity,
Seeking of Essence

My petition (invisible ceiling)

Have you ever felt like you're not living to the capacity of your being? I mean it's like when you wake up each day you're not challenging yourself fully, not allowing yourself to have a full smile or yawn with your mouth wide open or scream to the top of your lungs....???

So, I guess this kind of explains what stage I'm in right now....I don't know it feels weird...almost like I have no sense of direction, but I know exactly where I'm going...(I know).

I think subconsciously, I haven't been living for me or maybe living without limitations...I know I've been hindering myself in many aspects by putting these invisible ceilings in my life.

From this day on I will:

1. Continue to seek God in order to become closer with him and his word.

2. Live life without limitations (within reason of course)

3. Travel more....I mean really travel!!!

4. Try new things (food, activities, YOGA!!!!)

5. Stay focused on my happiness and what really makes me happy.....

6. Continue to be free spirited !!!



This is my petition to myself...maybe this is why God hasn't blessed me yet with that special kind of love that we're all searching for....Maybe right now I'm too blind by my own fears and self growth that I can't be what he needs me to be for me to receive that blessing yet. It's surely a hard thing to swallow, but progress is inevitable as it goes down.......Be at peace my peeps!!

New beginnings......

I'm so ready for new beginnings....stay tuned for updates!!!!

Tragic inevitability...

Okay, before I began I want everyone to know that things are better and definitely looking up for me. The summer is almost over and I have one class that is finally over...((YAAYYY)). This class stressed me so because it was so pivotal to pass it for me to continue on to graduate in the fall....I am enrolled in one other class (that is still challenging) that will be over in just a few weeks and once I have the green light from that one I will begin the party.....


I said that all that to say this.....I am a lot less stressed and oh and I finally have a job...(God is good)....so like I said things are looking up for me....finally....in many ways than just one......

Today I would like to talk about how a decision that I was so on the fence about has been finally made...but the decision was not made by me....but by them....and yes they know who they are.... I do feel that God has answered my prays, because I asked for guidance and yep he came right on time.

Honestly, it was like a freakin' slap right on my left cheek! Man, this really wasn't what I wanted,but the disparity that I feel day in and day out is something that I don't enjoy so why do I continue to subject myself to such mediocrity on a daily basis. Sometimes, you have to except what is and not allow it to take away from what was and where you have come thus far. I personally have a tendency to do that...I focus on the negative aspect and completely forget how it truly was something great and still is a blessing in its on way....but thats because finally the decision was made not by me,but by your hurtful words, behavior,disrespect,inconsistent love,emotionless smile,here today gone tomorrow friendship,negativity,selfishness, and lastly our non equally yoked lives....I have to say that because I care too much, life forced you to make the decision for me...that is, what we have become and now what will be.

Throwing in the towel...a third time around

So, as I try and keep my composure about many things that lord knows I do not control, I find myself still worrying about them.....I AM SOOOO TIRED OF BEING TIRED OF BEING TIRED...(sigh).

I am finding that the up keep of relationships (friends,family etc) is something that I am at this point in time exhausted of doing especially when you're reaping little to nothing positive from it. I am almost tired of writing this blog for the simple fact that it is what I am constantly going over and over in my head. Now because of school I can't move so there goes a fresh start anytime soon and though to some moving away may seem like an easy way out, but to me it might be the only path to solace.

And today is one of those days where I feel crazy and distraught...(uhhhhhhhhhh)....

My prayer for today:

Lord take those who are not contributing positivity to my well being out completely.
Allow me to distance myself from those who want not of me. Allow my heart to be at ease about the things I can not control and allow your love and prosperity to flood my heart with joy. Take me Jesus to your destinations only not the ones that I seek. Lastly, allow this time in my life to be a very positive one and where self growth will be all that I need outside of your love...AMEN...


Have a good day people!

Giving yo' last nickel.......

I hope everyone hears me loud and clear....be weary.....(side note):



I'm currently in my last year of school and of course STRESSED to the 100th degree. I am so ready to be done with this stage in my life. I'm so overwhelmed that if it rains outside and I forgot my umbrella it will make me want to cry ( I know, sad), but I think you get the picture. Now, with all that said by nature I'm the type person that cares about everyone well being and I take own others emotional woes to the point that I feel them myself. Now, in this unstable state of mind right now, you would only assume that I am HUMAN, right? Well, not to me and many others. I have the tendency to forget to call people back, birthdays, and what you told me two days ago. I have given my last nickel away.....that is my last of everything that I had to give to someone other than myself. I don't look at myself like I'm a selfish person, but we all have limits.....I have just opened my purse cleared away a few papers and my keys and alas found that nickel that you needed more than me, but did it bring upon so much debt to my heart.



SO:

People I say that to say this.....take care of yourself first. I know that may seem selfish, but you have to be right within to be anything to some else. I tend to want to please people and the minute I mess up or be a little absentee from worldly things (friends and such) I come down hard on myself and it's just not RIGHT!!! I mean you can't be everything to everyone and completely forget about yourself. I honestly wish I could disappear for a week so the world won't infiltrate my mind, spirit and soul to the point where giving my last nickel away won't be such a debt to my life.

Breezin' through...relationships and the death of me...

So, I just want everyone to know that I really didn't want this blog to be too personal (ya know about me) but I feel like I have to get this off of my chest because this is going to be the death of me if I don't:

I feel CRAZY!!! I know, I know, but I can't understand why life can be so extra sometimes. How can you want somehthing or a situtition to be a certain way and there is not a damn thing you can do to change the outcome. I have learned quite a bit about relationships and I have to admit I haven't been in one successful one yet.... I'm only 23 so I'm not trippin', but really GOD? I know he has a path for me and of course i'm trying my hardest to do what I feel is better. The flesh is like the worst.

I feel that everyone should know that at the end of the day...((sigh)) you can't make someone treat you the way you feel you should be treated, touched appreciated or talked to. You can't make them take out the trash or be that hopeless romantic that you may be yourself. You just can't...the best way you can tell if someone is the one for you is by looking at their actions. What are they doing and how are they treating you. Make decisions based off of their actions today and not what Potential they may have in the future if you just talk to them one more time or let him go through this little phase...PLEASE!!!!! Go get it together...and you know that's what stinks about loving someone or being emotionally involved with someone, because you love them or like them a lot :)..... and you know that it's just not what you want or need, but you can't let it go....

Be strong and pray to for guidance and simply do you. Pick up a hobby, study more and try to find yourself while your heart if heavy. Girl...you will get through it and you know sometimes you just have to make the hardest decision that will be the best thing for you. Although many will get hurt in the process from that decision...sometimes it has to just be about YOU, if you don't it might just be the DEATH of you....

Be true to YOURSELF and find happiness

So I would like to begin by talking about ourselves...our inner most parts.

I guess if you were to meet me today, you would think that I was this very self confidant young lady, who is focused driven and very grounded, but man I wish truly I could tell you that in general that's how I have always been. College has been a blessing to me in so many ways because I have found the root of who I am. I no longer wonder what I want and who I am.

Having a fake personality is so not cute people. Just think about the energy it takes to keep up something so untrue and false and the emotional burden of knowing that people are only associating with you under false pretenses. Love yourself and begin to accept you for you. Loving yourself isn't just saying, "Okay I like who I am." It's letting that love spill into other aspects of who you are and what you stand for. Let your dress exemplify the love you have for yourself for example... Have a party in your heart all by yourself and I promise in the long term this will be the best party that you've ever been to.

Not the right man, biggest house, or the indispensable bank account will bring the epitome of happiness to you. You have to get to a point where even though you have the bare minimum, happiness overflows out of your heart. Not because of a person,place,or thing, but ONLY because of the love that you have for YOU and ONLY YOU!

Welcome!

Hello everyone!

I'm creating this blog to help women in their twenties understand that your not suppose to know everything about life. You're suppose to feel insecure, lonely,scared and unsure of their futures. Your twenties are the breeding grounds for discovery, acknowledgement, and new revelations. I hope that my opinion and wisdom helps shed light on many things that all of us feel like we're the only human being struggling with.

So I ask you to:

1. Do some serious soul searching

This task isn't going to be easy, but remember that everything happens for a reason...Positivity goes a VERY long way...

Disclaimer:
I do not claim that I know it all, have gone through it all, or have done it all. I am only here to purge my spirit of the many struggles that I have gone through and currently confused about.

Before you ENTER do this:

Open your mind, hearts, and spirits and take it all in. You never know you may just experience The Evolution of Growth........